Friends With Benefits
I have a secret to confess. I know a girl that has fulfilled a fantasy for me that most men (and more than a few women) dream of. When I see her, it’s always like we’ve never been apart. We always have something to talk about, we’re comfortable around each other, and we like to do many of the same things. When we can find the time to hang out together, which isn’t very often, we snuggle, we watch movies, we take walks and, yes, we have sex. I see her as often as I can, and it’s pretty tricky sometimes, getting our schedules to mesh enough to have some private time alone. But it’s totally worth the effort. Yes, she is my “FWB”, the mystical creature spoken of in dark corners of bars and living rooms late at night. We happen to be friends who happen to like being with each other in every way.
Now, this may surprise some people who know me. “What” they might exclaim “would your wife think?!” And that, of course, is the beauty of it. She KNOWS about it. She knows that I have a relationship with this woman that is simple and straightforward. I enjoy her company, and I enjoy her physical presence. She knows, because she is that woman.
I think the point I’m trying to make today is this; the terms husband, wife and marriage are so loaded with expectation, with preconceptions, with emotional baggage for many people, that they don’t actually understand what being married really means today.
I’m not going to say our marriage is perfect, or that we get everything right (Yes, Deet, I did finally take the air conditioner out of the window – today, during the snowstorm…), but we approach it with a common point of view, a common goal, and we remind each other of this often; we like each other. As people, as humans, as friends, we simply enjoy each other’s company and we respect each other. It’s been more than two and a half years and we still like each other, better than we did before.
That approach in our marriage to friendship is vital. If you say you want to marry someone because they are “hawt” or have money, or have the friends you want, or you like sex with them – and that is your primary point of attraction – then you run the risk of having what attracted you to them change or disappear. Likely someday they won’t be so attractive, they may lose their money, their friends may change, and you might not be interested in sex with them for ever.
Remember, the only two things that will be constant in your marriage will be you, and your spouse. If you don’t who they are very much, then you’re going to be in trouble. Make sure you actually like the person you’re choosing to be with for the rest of your life.